Know Your Stars
by Free Dan Phantom
Summary: Yes, Yes, there are millions out there but this is different... I'm insane! BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Rated for safety
1. Danny, Dan, And Vlad

**Author's note:** New fan fic, big whoop, wanna fight about it? Ok, this is probably your run-of-the-mill 'Know Your Stars' fan fiction, but since people (parents included) tell me I'm funny I'll give this a whirl. Check out my other comedy 'Ranting Times of a Trapped Phantom' witch I should be updating now but **TOO LAZY**! This fan fic may not be updated on a regular basis, so don't set you calender to it. Enjoy the following insanity. Um. I had serious writers block so I put Danny, Dan and Vlad together, ok?

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"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars. Danny Fenton... he snores so loudly, you would think it was a ghostly wail."

"What!" Danny yelled "I do not snore! Where are you?"

"Danny Fenton... is half toast."

"Half ghost! Not toast! Ghost!"

"Says you. Inviso-toast."

"What?"

"Danny Fenton... wishes he was Dan."

"Do not! Why would I want to not have emotions?"

"So you would worry about asking Sam to a dance, or is it Valerie, or Paulina, or Dash. Haha!"

"I''m not gay! Sam is just my friend, so is Valerie, and..."

"Paulina doesn't know you exist."

"Yeah, but..."

"But nothing. I'm still having fun so you'll just stay here until I think of something funnier so stay for my enjoyment."

"What?"

"Unless someone else gets embarrassed you stay here."

"Dan! Get in here now." Danny went ghost and flew through the wall.

"Oh, what could it possibly be?" Dan said and walked down the stairs. The voice contained his smile and laughter as Dan walked to the chair "Why is this here?" Dan sat in it as the Voice let out a silent cheer.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars... Dan Phantom... is a freak of science."

"What the hell is this? Who are you and what are you doing?"

"I'm not telling."

"WHY NOT!"

"I don't want to" The voice said "Dan Phantom... Is a fruit loop, Just like he's Uncle Vlad."

"I am not a fruit loop! I'm out of here." Dan got up to leave but the chair sprouted ghost-proof rope and tied Dan to the chair "Let me go!" Dan yelled.

"You said the same thing to Clockwork, so I'll give you the same answer. 'No!' Now where was I, oh, yeah... Dan Phantom...loves being shoved in the thermos "

"No way! Have you ever been in that damn thing? It's not _fun_! I can't breath or moved or..."

"Wa wa wa. Dan, spare me your life story. Dan Phantom.. Is a blue faced, cross eyed, nose picker."

"What! That is _so_ childish, you little brat! Let me go so I can kill you."

"Mmm. Let me think, if I let you go you'll kill me but if I don't I get to have proof I met you, and keep embarrassing you. I think that I'll stick to this. Dan Phantom... shouldn't be here right now but because of some weird time law he's here making my life suck worse than it already does."

"What makes you a master of time?"

"I listened to Clockwork a lot when I cleaned his tower. I heard things. Like this Dan Phantom... Loves Clockwork sooo much that he stayed in the thermos just to hear his voice."

"You insane little ghostly freak! I hate Clockwork with ever fiber of my being!"

"Wow! Fiber. Big word for a little brain like yours."

"I'll murder you!"

"Daniel! Why are you yelling?" Vlad came into the room and saw Dan tied up to the chair "Daniel?"

"I'm not Daniel, I mean Danny! The Voice tied me up like this!" Silence fell on the room, the Voice having turned off the microphone and was laughing quietly at them.

"Don't blame the voice in your head for your own problems Daniel." Vlad said while untying Dan.

"I don't have problems. That Voice does." Dan got up and ran out of the room. Vlad shook his head and sat in the chair to think. Then the Voice turned his microphone on.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..." The voice said

"What the honey-roasted ham is that?" Vlad asked

"Vlad Masters... hates the Packers."

"What? I'm, in Daniel's word, a Packers fanatic."

"You're also, in Daniel's words, a seriously crazed up fruit loop. Vlad Plasmius... wears plastic fangs."

"No, I don't!"

"Vlad Plasmius... is in denial about wearing plastic fangs."

"Am not!"

"So you admit you wear plastic fangs?"

"Yes.. I mean no!"

"Vlad Masters... has a ponytail."

"It's a mullet! Not a ponytail."

"Whatever, Vlad Ponytail."

"You little rat. Come out from your hiding hole so I can teach you a lesson in respect."

"Suuuuure you will."

Vlad looked around "I won't hurt you if you come out now!"

"Yes you will."

"No I won't."

"Yes you will."

"No I won't!"

"No you won't!"

"Yes I will!"

"No you won't!"

"Yes! I will!" Vlad just realized something "Y-you tricked me, you jerk! When I find you I'll... "

"You'll what?"

"I'll beat you to a pulp, and... "

"Now you know Vlad Masters."

"What! No one knows anything about me!"

"They know you're a forty year old virgin."

"Wha... what are you talking about? I'm not a virgin. I... had... tons of girls on me in collage." Vlad said nervously

"Yeah right, you wish loser." The camera started to zoom out slowly.

"I'll get you for this mystery Voice!" Vlad cried as he fell to his knees.


	2. Jack Fenton

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..."

"GHOST!!!" The Voice's newest vict... uh, subject, Jack Fenton, screamed out of paranoia. Jack suddenly produced a cannon-like ecto-blaster from his pocket. "Where is it? I'll tear it apart!"

"Jack Fenton..."

"How do you know my name, ghost?"

"I watch the show."

"I'm on TV? Hi, Mom!"

"Jack Fenton... is a momma's boy."

"What? I am NOT a momma's boy!"

"Yes, You are!" and old lady cried

"Yes, mom." Jack responded

"Jack Fenton... is a Fatty fatty fatty fat **walrus**!"

"How dare you, ghost! I am not Fat!"

"Then try to use a hula-hoop." A hula-hoop immediately dropped from the heavens and landed in front of the nervous Jack. Jack grabbed the hoop and tried it get it around his massive waits. Unfortunately, the small hoop got stuck around Jack and thus he couldn't move it up or down. Exhausted from the only exercise he's had since college, Jack started pretending to hula-hoop by shaking his hips in a circular motion, though the hoop was completely still, trapped in the many fold of his fat.

"Yeah," The Voice say unimpressed "I- I guess you _couldn't_ do that if you were fat." Jack continued hula-hooping unaware of the Voices sarcasm "I'm embarrassed _for_ your kids."

Danny walked from behind stage "I'm just embarrassed."

"Jack Fenton... Has he's own gravitational pull." The Voice continued

"WHAT! Prove it, you ectoplasmic freak!" Jack ordered at the top of his voice

"Ok." some guy with headphones on came from behind stage, apple in hand. "You know what that is?"

"Uh, duh, it's an apple. So what?"

"Good, good, good, now watch this. Now Charlie." Charlie dropped the apple that hung itself mid-air and began to circle around him.

"Wha- what is this? Is this some kinda joke?"

"Uh, no that's orbit." The Voice answered

"Huh?"

"See, you have your own gravity."

"No way!" Charlie disappeared behind stage again. He brought back out a cup of water. He threw the water to Jack. The water was caught in the gravitational pull of Jack and began orbiting along the apple. Charlie then jumped into the orbit path, pulled out a pillow and started napping while he orbited the much larger Jack."Fine!" Jack said "I get the idea." Jack (and all orbiting 'moons') walked out of the room.

The voice checked him name off the list. Next was Sam Manson.

**Author's Notes:** I need things for Sam. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anything will do!!!!!!!!


	3. Sam Manson

**Author's Note:** I want to thank everyone who submitted ideas for me, 'cause I had nothin'. Now I got a whole document dedicated to ideas so here's the list thus far: Dash, Tucker, Maddie, Clockwork

Tell me any you'd like and I'll update the list next chapter.

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"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars... Sam Manson... She always has BBQ ribs for breakfast."

"Um, what part of **ultra- recyclo-vegetarian** are you not getting here?"

"Don't care. Sam Manson... Is in love with Dash."

"**WHAT!** Gross! He tastes like failure."

"How would you know what he taste like?" Sam started to say something but decided not to. "I thought so." the Voice said in triumph. " Sam Manson... Is a boy."

The only thing close to an answers Sam got to was stuttering incoherently while the Voice was laughing insanely at his own jokes. "Oh, man I love this job! Sam Manson... Guess what?"

"What?"

"CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP!" Sam blinked in confusion.

"You're a nut!"

"Am I a pretty nut?"

"This is just a guess mind you, but have you escaped any mental institutions lately?"

"... maybe..." the Voice said innocently "but Sam Manson... Is clone of Paulina gone wrong!"

"Wha... I-I... What could possibly bring anyone to that conclusion?!"

"Um, 'cause I said it was true? Did you know that Sam Manson loves to knit fluffy pink sweaters for all her cute wittle teddy bears she calls her little bundle of joy"

"**I'll kill you!**" Sam pulled out a club and ran backstage trying to find the Voice who was failing at containing his laughter,

"Now you know.. Sam Manson... the anger proned, doll collecting, sweet-natured, hellogoodbye fanatic."

"**I'm not any of though things, ya jerk!"**

Other Submitted Insults: Sam Manson...

Her real hair color is pink.

Loves pink almost as much as she love Paulina

Is secretly in love with Lancer

Goes to Barbie conventions

Hates Danny Fenton

Her favorite color is pink

Is a shallow little witch

Dyes her hair!

Is in love with Tucker

Has a world-destruct button!

Wants to hug a teddy bear!

Is cheating on Tucker!

Has a long-lost bro name Samuel!

Has a secret lover!

Is a singer!

And Now For Something Completely Different: All these insult _are_ great but I couldn't think of a way to put them in. So Thanks for helping! All insults go to their respective inventors.

Next vic...uh... volunteer: Dash, then Tucker.

Urgent! **STAY WAY FROM MY JELLY!**


	4. Paulina

"Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Paulina... uh, whatever her last name is..."

Paulina looked around for the origin of the Voice. "Who's there? Are you that Voice in my head again? You're not supposed to be here! I took my medicine!" She slumped into her chair and went into a pout.

"Paulina... Is the first 16 year old to get boob implants."

"What!" Paulina whipped off her shirt to show her bra. "Do these look like implants to you?" She paused and saw she was without a shirt and covered her shame.

"Paulina... Took off her shirt for a camera." The Voice was enjoying this girl.

"There are cameras around here?" She squeaked. She frantically looked for the hidden cameras that where broadcasting the topless child worldwide.

"Paulina... is a dirty trash can full of poop... according to her boyfriend, at least."

"Huh? Mr. Lancer said that about me? I mean, Dash said that about me."

"Paulina... has a D- average in every subject in school."

"Ha! Shows what you know! I have a D+ average."

"Paulina... gets a D+ average by giving the teachers free lap dances. That's why she flunks every class taught by a woman."

"How'd you find out- I mean, I don't do that!"

"Paulina... Pretends to have a last name."

"I have a last name! It's Sanchass!"

"Su-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u--u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-ure it is. I get cha."

"But I do! I do have a first name!"

"Paulina... Is stupid because she didn't listen to her Dad and actually study for once in her life!"

"But Dad was being a jerk! He wanted me to have a tiny allowance of less that 5,000 dollars a week! How am I supposed to buy my makeup on 5,000 a week?"

"Simple. Stop obsessing over you flabby face and listen to me!"

"Then he wanted me in bed by 2:00 am! Come on! Who goes to bed that early?"

"Shut up!"

"Then he wanted..."

"Paulina... Won't shut up!"

"I tell ya Mom didn't put up with that..."

"Paulina... will soon get attacked by sailors, shoved into a box fulled with banana peels, then shipped of to Cuba!"

"What?" Paulina then got attacked by a bunch of sailors. They beat her up and shoved her into a box filled with slimly banana peels. They taped 5 square feet of postage stamps on the box and shipped it off to Cuba.

"Now you know Paulina. The implant getting, lap dance giving, last-name-not have-er...er."


End file.
